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How to Host a kinky party

So, you want to host a kinky party, but you don't know where to start? Our first suggestion would be to contact Fetish After Dark and get us to organize it for you. However, we completely understand that we're a bit of a commitment and we're also not cheap. You might also be wanting something more private for a few friends, and hiring a BDSM event planning and performance group for ten people can be a bit overkill.

We understand and we still want you to have a great time, with or without us. And while we won't be sharing all of our secrets, we've got some tips and tricks that we're happy to share to help you get the most out of your party! Anyone who's ever worked with event planners know that everything starts with a series of questions that then lead to a variety of options:

What's the party for? There's a large difference between how you plan a birthday party as opposed to a bachelor or bachelorette party. This is the starting point for most event planners because it can set date, time, and themes later on. While you certainly know the purpose of the party, even if it's just for fun and not a specific event, you should still think about it to get an idea about how you should design your event. Everything from decorations, to outfits, to drinks can come from this. It can really make your planning process a lot easier and give you ideas on other ways to have fun.

Is the party going to have a theme?  Not to be confused with the purpose of the party, a theme is a great way to get people in the mood. This is probably Fetish After Dark's most useful tool in getting people to show up and be in the right mindset before the party even kicks off. Folks LOVE to dress up, and giving them an excuse to get an outfit, some accessories, or even just to care what they look like helps them get in the mood even before they get to your party. This means that they come even more excited to play and you've given them permission to dress up in a way that can make them feel sexy. Here are some party themes we've done in the past: Heaven & Hell, Black-light, Body Paint, Leather & Lace, Masquerade, Rainbows & Glitter, Cosplay.

How big of a party are we talking? If it's 5-10 people, then you can probably have it in your home. If you don't have a house or a sizeable space, then anything more than a dozen can get tight. Neighborly noise complaints happen with larger groups in confined spaces, so make sure you've got enough room for everyone. If you don't have that kind of space, then finding a kink friendly venue can be difficult if you don't know where to look.

How much kink are you looking to have? This question gets broken down into further questions later, but the big question is are you looking to have a play area or not. A bedroom with a side table for a few toys and an under the bed bondage kit can be a really cheap and easy way to get a simple play-space. However, that limits you to 2-4 people playing at the same time. If you want the party to have a heavier kink theme, you might look at getting some furniture or at least making sure you have places where people can play.

Will you have people experienced in kink at your party? Sort of a subset of the previous question, if you don't have experienced folks leading the kink at your party, then getting folks to be kinky can be extremely difficult. It's human nature to be nervous and hesitant to make the first move. If you're not active in kink, then you should think about inviting some trusted friends who are to sort of kick things off. These friends can also be a valuable resource as they will probably have some additional toys to share.

Do you have a quiet recovery area?  After kink, even light weight kink for new folks, you should have an area that's good for aftercare. It doesn't need to be an entire room if you're tight on space, but a dedicated couch with blankets in a quiet dark corner is often necessary for people. Also, make sure folks understand that they need to have some level of decompression and aftercare after they play (for both tops and bottoms).

Will your party have rules\responsible people? Apart from providing professionals to demo play, perform, and help teach, Fetish After Dark also provide professional Dungeon Monitors to make sure that all play in a space are safe and consensual. If you're having your own party, having a dedicated sober person who's educated about kink is important. Think of them like a designated driver for your party. They make sure everyone gets to have a good time and gets home safe.

Alcohol? We are absolutely no strangers to having alcohol at parties. We have several kinky bartenders who can be hired to work our events. However, mixing BDSM and alcohol can absolutely violate the core value of consent. It can also add risk if you don't have sober people to make sure that the kink party doesn't become unsafe. However, it's also an excellent way to lower inhibitions. At Fetish After Dark, we have something we call the "Strip Club Alcohol Rule": if you're working or in charge, you can't drink, and other people shouldn't drink so much that they can't consent. That's a hard line to take if you're wanting to have fun at your own event, but alcohol is a huge risk.

Snacks and other drinks? It's doubtful that you'll be hiring catering if you're not hiring Fetish After Dark to run your event, so it's important to think about what kinds of snacks and non-alcoholic drinks to have. Doing kink can be a lot like other athletic activities so try to be mindful that folks will need calories and hydration, not just candy and cake. Always have bottled water available if you're doing kink. It's easy to provide, and cheap. We recommend keeping some at room temperature and some cold as it's good to have both. Other than basic snacks, think about the purpose of the event and the theme and let your imagination wander.

What are your safety & cleaning plans? Most of our staff have first aid training, and we always bring a large medical kit (which is almost only ever used for Bandaids and Advil). If your event is sex-positive, then having condoms and personal lubricant available is important. Do you have cleaning supplies so folks can clean up their space so that other's can use it after them? We don't ever want something bad to happen, but it's important to at least have the basics on hand and know where they are.


It's a bit of a long list, but a good start to having a fun time. We also hope that this can show you where you might need to contract our services. Having more than 20 people who have little-to-no kink experience? Need a kink-friendly venue with professional services like food, bar-tending, or a limo? Need a few dominants and some portable furniture? Then you might consider contacting Fetish After Dark for our services. If you can ask each of your attendees to chip in a set amount, we can be very reasonably priced when you spread the cost around. You would be amazed at what asking $20 from each person can do to offset the cost of a big party.

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