A hot take on the Adult Industry

Several members of Fetish After Dark have worked professionally in the adult film industry. We've worked as builders, performers, riggers, and advised on presenting authentic kink for public consumption. We've also seen the results of what happens to folks who consume too much of a good thing.

Obviously, there's some productions that are unethical, and those are deeply problematic not only for us as performers, but for society in general. While we obviously have deep feelings about the objectification and fetishization of race, gender, or the presentation of misogyny, homophobia, and transphobia in adult film, this is not what we're talking about here. Honestly, we don't need a whole blog entry to tell folks that we think those things are unhealthy and a reflection of internalized homophobia, transphobia, misogyny, racism, etc.

We've encountered a lot of people, both new to kink and experienced players who have consumed way too much online content. While we do want to say: please do everything in moderation, we also want to say that there are a lot of you all who seem to not understand that adult content is a performance.

What we do on stage, on film, in photos, and even in smutty books is performative and should not be some form of ideal for reality. Please, and we cannot stress this enough, stop looking at what happens in smut as a reflection on reality. If it helps break the illusion, most adult film sets have makeup and costumes, lighting, set dressers, and even catering. No matter how authentic we try to present the acts, it's still staged.

How this presents as a problem for us as kink aware professionals is when people have unrealistic ideas about what kink and BDSM look like. It sets unreasonable expectations on enjoyment. We're not trying to say that you can't have a lot of fun and find deep fulfillment through BDSM, but that it doesn't look like a professionally shot adult film. You do not have makeup artists, set dressers, and paid performers to fulfill your fantasy (and if you do: call us, because we'd love to do business).

Most often these issues are presented to us in two ways. Either someone is upset that the kink doesn't meet their expectations, or they want to go too hard and too fast without understanding the level of warmup required to enjoy it. The first is obviously upsetting because there are a lot of people who enjoy watching kink and it's quite a letdown to realize that you don't actually enjoy much of the activity. Congratulations, there are people who enjoy being watched, and we love to get paid to perform for people like you. The second is the more problematic issue, because it's a bit like getting into a sports car having only ever driven a minivan. Yes, you know the fundamentals of driving, but think that stomping on the accelerator is how you drive a vehicle like that. Chances are, you'll end up wrapped around a utility pole with no understanding of how it happened. Similarly, with kink, you have to learn how to do it as you go. The problem with folks who watch a lot of adult content is that they have a specific goal of what they want to do immediately or that they think that by watching they know how to do it. Cool story, but we take weeks to learn each new toy we own, and we're trained professionals with many similar toys.

In both of these cases, people end up disillusioned with the lifestyle, upset that it didn't meet expectations, give up on kink completely, possibly violating someone's consent by moving way too fast, or in some cases hurt by an overabundance of enthusiasm. As kink educators, we want people to enjoy themselves, and while adult content can be fun, it's often an unrealistic portrayal of kink.

Kink can be awkward, messy, and sometimes a bit silly. Most healthy people in the lifestyle have a good sense of humor because we understand that things are rarely a perfect scene. We treat adult content as a source of inspiration, but not as a reflection of reality. And while we love to treat our fantasies like a to-do list, we also understand that there are limitations placed upon us via reality. So, please, you will enjoy yourselves more if you take a step back into reality and enjoy adult content for the fantasy it is.